Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
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I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize