He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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