I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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