Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize