Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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