Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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