why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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