he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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