new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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