Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
