I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
