btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
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I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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