About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize