He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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