he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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