Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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