what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize