my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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