So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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