Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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