i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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