Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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