My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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