If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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