That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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