Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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