Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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