i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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