Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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