i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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