I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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