Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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