C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize