I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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