She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I want a musical about memes.
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