Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
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He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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