He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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