ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
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Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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