Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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