Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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