i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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