Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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