I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize