If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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