when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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