Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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