she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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