Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think my moral compass just broke
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