My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
