I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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