May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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